Mushed-mellow
I told him last night.No strings attached?
I dunno.
But I destroyed him.
I'm not that sort of person.
I don't destroy people.
But the moment I do, they'll hate me forever.
I'm so unready for relationships.
That's why I say infatuation is the best.
You get to enjoy every minute of it and there's almost no room for fugly, unhappy pouts.
I never thought myself to be in such a position.
I thought this kinda thing only happened to stupid couples, only to realise I'm one of them.
Even when I told him, I felt numb all over.
I couldn't feel the pain he was trying to stab at me.
But I think he did.
My head feels like it's about to explode at any moment.
Everything feels so confined inside, it just wants to break free.
I just felt like shooting myself.
I felt like such a witch.
I didn't even recognise myself.
I'm not that sort of fugging person!
Maybe that's how it ends.
Me getting shot.
I used to dream of getting shot alot.
But in one of my dreams, I came back to life after getting shot.
Which means I still dunno what it means.
Hopefully it means there's hope.
I was wondering.
What if one day I went to sleep.
And never woke up.
Where would I end up?
I'd like to try.
Maybe hell, for everyone I've crushed and destroyed.
Maybe Munchie Land, where I can be with other mellows.
Or maybe I'll just come back as a cat with 8 more lives.
But I still haven't experienced the wonderful things in life.
I want to have my first taste of freedom.
I want to wake up everyday with a smile.
I want to enjoy every single bloody minute of my life.
And of course, experience what's been claimed of the existence of true, pure, unadulterated love.
Realistic? I hope so, but I'm sceptical.
posted by natasha @ 7:07 PM
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